


Are You Ready To Love Me?

by CowandCalf



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Coda, Coda 10.01, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, It's never too late, M/M, Missing Scene, Smut, Talking, getting older means getting wiser
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 20:55:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21105860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CowandCalf/pseuds/CowandCalf
Summary: Steve's on a date. Brooke is a celestial beauty and Steve is more than just a bit out of practice. His feelings crawl under his skin, unwanted. He has just explained how much he loves Danny and he realizes he's not ready for any date.





	Are You Ready To Love Me?

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** I don't own the show, Hawaii Five-0, or any characters. I don't make money with my stories. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> **A/N:**  
This story is not beta read. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> The title is from the amazing song _Are You Ready To Love Me_ by The War and Treaty
> 
> What an impressive, uncharacteristic opening scene for the 10th season. Steve's character will always and forever be a fascinating caleidoscope, that makes me want to understand him, makes me want to feel what he feels. As always with such fic ideas, they pop up during the most inappropriate moments. They also never want to disappear until they make it into a one-shot. The answer to such a deep pull to jot those ideas down and transform them into a story about the guys is simple: McDanno rules my life.
> 
> I hope you like it.

Steve's firmly gripping the steering wheel. The trace of panic that has flared up briefly hasn't quite settled yet. Although he ignores it with all his might. He hasn't panicked.

Steve opens the window just a crack. It's too silent and his thoughts are too loud. He turns on the radio. He shifts in his seat and tries to find a more relaxed position. His shoulders are in knots and the tension stings in his temples.

Steve's uncomfortable thinking how he's said goodbye in a haste. Steve McGarrett is not known for precipitate actions. But nevertheless, he sits in his car, driving away from his date with his focus on the tachometer. He can't race over the highway. He doesn't want any over-eager patrolmen to catch attention.

He can't really put his finger on the exact moment when the iron ribbon has started to string around his chest.

It seems to be since forever that he has been on a date. He's thought he's ready but the only thing that has sprung to his mind to talk about has been Jerry's gunshot wound. He's got more nervous by the second because Brooke has really looked shocked.

Blood and flesh wounds don't match well with dinner in a fancy restaurant. That topic shouldn't even appear at a table talk on a first date. At least, not with a gorgeous woman who's nothing but a genuine civilian who most probably knows the police only from TV shows and the news.

But Danny has called, _again_ and Steve has given in to the sudden expansion of his lungs. He has sucked in a few gulps of air before he has taken Danny's call. The rush of oxygen has flooded his muscles, and he has closed his eyes for a second there. It's inexcusable to stand up and to take a call during the first ten minutes on a first date when it's not case related.

Even for him. Inexcusable.

But Danno's name blinking up on his screen felt like the proverbial lifeline that gets dropped from a helo, hovering right above his head at the end of risky mission. Okay, this comparison might be a little bit over the top. Steve rubs his hand over his neck and tries to steady his heartbeat. He blows air through his nose and holds on to the steering wheel. His fingers are curled too tightly around the leather. He exhales again.

Steve bounces his leg when he tracks that moment in his mind. His shirt sticks to his back, damp from sweat. He switches to another channel on the radio, hoping to find more suitable music. He closes the window and adjusts the AC.

Steve clears his throat, nestles with the cupholder and fishes his half-full water bottle from the compartment next to the gear shift. He drives with the upper side of his thigh pressed to the wheel and drinks thirstily. He keeps his eyes steadily on the road.

He has talked to his date about Danny. Too long maybe. He has stalled time to dig around in his brain to find an appropriate topic to add to their conversation. There hasn't been much besides Danny and his work. 

He has tried to explain to Brooke why his partner, his name is Danny, why he has texted so often only to call twice in the middle of Steve's date before he and Brooke have even had the chance to order.

Steve leans against the headrest with his back muscles strained and hard when he remembers what he said to Brooke after he's just hung up on Danny. He can't believe what has fallen out of his mouth. Because what he has made Brooke listen to has been a blunt declaration of love for his best friend – for Danny. And Brooke has done kind of a great job to conjure up this mild amusement on her features to cover up her bewilderment.

After this moment Steve's grip slipped and his spine got glued together with the increasing tension in his back muscles.

Steve rolls his shoulders, cranes his neck and pops his joints. The headache stays just as the disturbing thoughts he doesn't want to analyze. Danny is going to rip him a new one for that. Steve's going to suffer for abandoning Brooke. But he can deal with that and he knows he has to apologize with a big bouquet of flowers. This circumstance doesn't bother him. It's…it's the other thing.

It's, uhm…

Steve drives with one hand. The fingertips of his other hand wander absentmindedly over the soft curve of his lips. His mind won't find peace tonight unless he admits some hard facts of the truth to himself. A truth, he has been hiding from for a long time already. 

He can't sit still. He wants to stretch his legs, wants to walk around. He hates thinking and not be able to move while doing this. All these thoughts rile him up and he always ends with the wish to go for a long swim or to run until he can't feel his legs anymore.

Brooke belongs to a part of life Steve has tried to find his footing in since he has left the Navy.

Ten years.

He has had a long time to find out how this works. Truth be told, he has come up with many excuses to avoid this particular experience. He knows that and he also knows that he stalls, that he doesn't want to turn around to acknowledge that it's there. It feels like the proverbial sword of Damocles. He's just not ready. He might never be.

He doesn't really want to get to know this side of life. This unknown part, this daily reminding of the fact that he's not in active service anymore or that one day, he might no longer be with his task force. He can't deal with the situation that he meets people – okay that he meets Brooke – who has not the slightest relation to the police, the military or the Navy. It's – and that's why bolted from the date.

Steve purses his lips and taps his fingers on the steering wheel.

He has become the head of the Hawaiian's elite task force. And work has kept him occupied in the most intense, pleasant and insane way. He couldn't have been more satisfied.

Ten years since his active service.

He's still in law enforcement, twenty-four-seven, to this day. He has never tried to be a civilian after his father sent him off to the mainland. This concept is strange and not appealing.

To meet Brooke and to take her out on a date has washed all those well-stored, terribly disturbing thoughts to the surface. 

Everything has just popped up way too fast and too fierce after Danny's calls and after his question if Steve didn't have any game. No, scratch that, everything has shot up, breaching the surface, unasked, unwanted because Danny's called him. It has been Danny's voice that has thrown Steve for a loop and the way he has kept texting and calling.

Steve isn't angry about how he's left things with Brooke. He has offended a beautiful woman and he's going to apologize. 

He loathes how he can't just push those thoughts back where they belong. He doesn't want to analyze at all how he's feeling anyway. He gets the job done. He deals with it. That's it. That's how he's done it all those years.

But he has left the restaurant with shaky hands. He has handed over Brooke to Adam's capable hands like a bottle of wine. The more he wades into this part of his brain the more the belt of steel tightens around his chest.

Steve doesn't even swallow. His jaw muscles pop from his clenched jaw like chiseled into his cheeks. His chest feels like someone has punched him hard.

Steve sucks it up and watches the streets. He doesn't do well with talking about his feelings. He doesn't even want to admit them to himself.

He has wanted to be a gentleman. He has wanted to be self-confident and disarming with his charm, with the way to get Brooke to smile and to laugh about his intelligent jokes. He has wanted to impress her with his flirting. But most of all, he has wanted to let Danny know that the date has been successful.

Steve has wanted to please him, to let Danny know he has made a good choice with Brook being a great date for Steve.

Women are beautiful and soft, curvy and seductive. So far, Steve has never experienced the need to stand up and to just _leave_ – in the middle of a damn date. He's sat there in his chair with the menu card, darting nervous looks over the table to check up on Brooke. The sweat under his armpit has been wetting the fabric of his shirt. Steve has sat there until he's hasn't been able to take it anymore.

So, he has called Adam and just left.

It has nothing to do with Brooke as a person. It's what she stands for.

Steve still feels Danny's voice in his ear and the way it has calmed him during his second call. They've argued, of course, that's the way they talk. But Danny has been right there by his side, checking up on him, wanting to know how it's going. Danny has made sure Steve's okay. Even if Steve has been lippy and snapped at Danny, Steve has heard the concern in Danny's voice. And everything has amped up. 

Steve turns the music louder. He can't go there. Not even in his mind.

He has apologized to Brooke, several times. Her face has remained deadpan. Steve's offended a beautiful woman by standing her up in a way on the first date. They've been in the middle of ordering the salad. Shit. Adam is going to have a wonderful evening. He will win her over with his charm. Steve owes him big time. 

Steve scrubs a hand over his face. He snorts silently and feels like the dumbest idiot on the island. He also tries to ignore the familiar ache in his chest.

He's canceled this dinner-date Danny has made such a fuss to set up. He's chewed Steve's ear off for about two weeks until he's just caved. Not out of annoyance more of giving Danny peace for his ruffled worries Steve's might end up alone, hanging around too often at Danny's than his own place.

Steve knows to think even remotely like this is undue.

Steve's arms tingle and he rolls down the window again. The night breeze caresses his heated face. He smells Hawaii in the air and the scent soothes his nerves.

He has seen the terror of war. He has disarmed bombs in the middle of heavy gunfire and he has infiltrated hot spots swarming with enemies and he's never ever lost his nerves. He's trained for the most intense shit. He's a SEAL, even if out of the services for several years already. He's the head of a successful task force and he deals with dangerous situations day in, day out. His heart is the one of a SEAL and it will always be just exactly that. The center of an outstanding warrior.

Steve's beyond confused why he hasn't been able to just hold on to the moment where he'd have kissed Brooke on the cheek and would have waited until she'd have been back home, safe and sound.

Steve breathes a well-known pattern. He inhales, counting of four, and exhales just as slow. His heart hurts. It beats loud and in a hard rhythm. A result of too much adrenaline. It thuds as it shouts muted against his inner walls. Steve doesn't listen he just drives through the darkness of the night.

He has to apologize to Danny. He's on his way to the HQ. It's uncommon for Danny to be there that late. It's Friday night and Steve would have guessed Danny would be at home or getting ready to head out to meet with Rachel.

Steve has tracked Danny's phone to know where to go.

He switches up the volume of the radio to drown out his thoughts. He doesn't want to muse about the fact that he's bolted from a date and why his breathing becomes easier the closer he gets to the palace.

Steve sits another five minutes in the sudden silence of his truck after he turns off the engine. He debates in his head what to tell Danny. He can't even admit it to himself. His heart seems twisted, too tense. Steve keeps bouncing his leg and stares at his hands. He inhales on more time and pushes the door open.

The HQ is deserted, no one is really working that late at night. His team has gone home and the only light he sees is the one in Danny's office. The sight stops him dead in his tracks. Danny holds his phone and fiddles with it, scrolling down on something. His face shows his concentration. The light from the computer screen outlines his distinct facial contours. Danny has aged, too. But all that Steve can see is a handsome man who has become his rock in his life.

Steve squares his shoulders and pushes the glass door open.

"What are you doing here, Danny? It's past nine. Everyone else has gone home." Steve starts the moment Danny lifts his head. He flops down onto the couch by the door. He's ready for any outburst Danny might have with him showing up in the office.

Danny's head jerks up in utter surprise but he stays silent. He watches Steve with an intelligent, observant look. Steve register the slight flutter of emotions that ripples over Danny's face like the wind on a water surface. Danny's eyebrows climb up his forehead before he knits them together in a concerned frown.

"Steve? What are you doing here?" Danny stands up in slow-motion. His worry colors his voice. "Where's Brooke? Are you alright? What happened?" His voice is gentle and he sounds genuinely worried.

Steve isn't prepared for this reaction. He has already braced himself for getting the rant of the month. He half expects to get his ass kicked right into the next week. But Danny circles the desk and studies him with a gaze as if he tries to x-ray him with his eyes only.

"_Why are you here_?" Danny wanders over and comes to a halt right in front of Steve, hands shoved down the front pockets of his slacks.

Steve tilts his head a bit. "I, uh, I left." He scratches his head. "I aborted the mission. I canceled the date and I stopped by to personally apologize to you." Steve explains in a straight voice not really able to lock eyes with Danny.

Steve sees how Danny's Adam's apple works. He has a clear view of how he dips his jaw. Danny's teeth play with his lips, sucking them in, gnawing on them, pursing them while he's leaning a bit towards Steve as if he couldn't believe what he'd just heard.

"_You left her_? But you said yourself you didn't even order? Where is she now? Where's Brooke? Jesus, Steve. What happened?" Danny's eyes scan him with these huge question marks almost bulging visibly. "_You aborted the mission_?" Danny's voice is higher than normal.

"Look, Danny, I'm sorry. I just…it didn't feel right. Is all I can say." Steve stands up, the nervous twitch in his stomach is getting worse.

"It didn't feel right?" Danny pulls one hand free and cuts the air in a wild, uncoordinated pattern. He gapes at Steve. "God, Steve, you don't have to marry her tomorrow. It should have been just a date. A first date, Steven. Nice chatter over whine and steak and maybe a walk on the beach. What's going on?" Danny sounds really lost for words because he stops talking and steps closer, too close for Steve's liking.

Steve shuts his mouth and his teeth click with the force of that abrupt move. "Could you stop repeating every sentence I say?" He says harsher than intended.

Danny leans forward, his lips tightly pressed together and he waits but Steve doesn't know what to say, except, "look, Danny. I'm really sorry. I know you said I should not embarrass you…I did. I called Adam and now Brooke is having a wonderful dinner with Adam. I just…I needed to leave. There's nothing more to it. Leave it alone." Steve sighs. "I'll go and I'll buy Brooke a huge bouquet of flowers tomorrow and apologize again, okay?" Steve stubbornly closes his mouth. He's not here to talk.

Danny isn't buying it. "You have to be a bit more specific, Steve. It would be highly appreciated if for once… if you could just _talk_ and tell me why you left in the middle of a date. Did you flee the scene? Are you okay?"

Steve feels the pressure in his gut weighing down on him, pulling at his stomach like a sinker. His chest rises and falls with the well-measured breaths he takes. He straightens his back and takes a step closer. His hand lands warmly and firmly on Danny's shoulder. He squeezes the strong, hard muscles hard to hide the faint trembling in his fingers.

"I don't know what to say. Look, Danny… thank you for trying. Thank you for helping me with a date although I didn't ask for help. I really appreciated your support but… don't let us do this again. Don't pair me off with anyone. Drop it, the girlfriend thing. It happens eventually." Steve scrunches up his nose. He pats Danny on the shoulder and forces a smile on his lips.

"Did I blow it for you?" Danny's face is open and this is an honest question. "I might have called one time too many but I really wasn't convinced you could pull this off. I mean…" 

"Danny, hey, Danny," Steve hurries to reassure him. "No, come on, Danny, you tried to be supportive." He forces himself his best friend's open eyes with a straight look. "No," Steve whispers and clears his throat immediately. "No, it just wasn't the right moment. Brooke is a good-looking woman. She's going to have a wonderful night with Adam."

"You panicked."

Danny's clear statement causes Steve's headache to spike the top of his head.

"You panicked and then you called Adam and he took over and you just left. That's not, absolutely not a Steve move." Danny is so stubborn and always so painfully close to jabbing at the center of the truth.

"I didn't panic," Steve states and lets his hand glide from Danny's shoulder. He waits for a beat before he adds, "I'm heading home. I need a beer and sand under my feet. You coming too?" Steve knows Danny's going to drill a hole in his head until he's got some more answers. And maybe it's time to talk. The tension in his shoulders increases.

Danny stays silent and this makes Steve squirm in a way, knowing how perceptive Danny's instincts are. Steve darts him a look over his shoulder, his hand already on the door handle.

"You're coming, or what?" Steve tries to wipe any suspicious streak off his face.

"Uh-huh, yeah, coming. I'll meet you at your place." Danny purses his lips and kind of looks from between his lashes at Steve.

Steve knows this look. He doesn't like it. He turns and walks out of the office. He calls his last sentence over his shoulder. "I'll get the beer ready. See you in five."

Steve kind of folds into himself once the elevator doors close and he has a few precious minutes just to himself.

It's enough time to get a grip before Danny walks with this special stride up to his weather-beaten wooden chair to make his life miserable by poking around, trying to find the right answer for what has gone down at the restaurant tonight.

The night is still warm. Steve digs his toes into the sand and twirls the cold beer bottle between his hands. He hears the door of the lanai how it opens and closes again. Danny's footsteps get softened by the grass. Steve listens with his heart in his throat until Danny lowers himself without a word down on the wooden chair next to him.

Steve hands him the other beer bottle and they drink in silence. He loves that about Danny. Although he could make Steve want to climb walls with the way he forces him to stand with his back to a wall with no exit with all the questions but Danny knows when Steve needs space. Or time to sort his scattered pieces until he's back being his old self.

Tonight, though, Steve knows he owes Danny an explanation. 

The wind gently ruffles Steve's hair. The sound of the lapping waves makes him breathe easier. He braces his elbows on his thighs and let the beer bottle dangling from his fingers.

The silence between them loads with tension and a meaning Steve can't name. Tonight, he's not good at stemming back the unwanted emotions. These thoughts, shapeless for years, suddenly have returned tonight to attack him like throwing stars, well-known for their exceptional sharpness. 

Steve can't take it any longer. He wedges his bottle into the sand and rises to his feet. He walks with calculated slow steps towards the beach. He knows any second Danny might ask him a question and he intends to answer honestly. He might even start to explain the why to Danny without being asked. He owes him that much.

The shallow water curls around Steve's ankles. He circles his arms around his chest. His gaze travels over the dark surface of the sea. The stars are bright tonight. It's going to be fine. It always will. Work the problem, that's how he does the things. Work the problem and when this is fixed, move on to the next one.

Danny appears at his side. He still wears his slacks and his shirt but he's right beside Steve's with his feet in the water up to his ankles.

"You'll get your pants wet." Steve jerks his chin in the direction of Danny's legs.

Danny clears his throat. "You wanna talk about my pants? Okay, sure. Let's start with my pants. They're pants, Steve. They dry quickly besides I rolled them up. I don't mind to get them wet."

"Yeah," Steve doesn't know what to say.

"You're in the water. You know you owe me an explanation, you know that, right? And if it makes you feel better to wade into the ocean to find the courage to talk, I'll follow you. I'll follow you anywhere, babe." Danny adds with a calm voice.

A shiver ghosts down Steve's spine and he hugs his upper body tighter. He nods with his head and fists his shirt. This gesture of nervousness stays hidden in the darkness of the night.

His heartbeat booms between his lungs. The adrenaline rush heats up his skin and his abs muscles twitch. Words have never come easy. 

"The silence was the hardest part after a deployment." Steve blurts and goes still again. 

Danny listens. Steve sees the strained, sinewy neck out of the corner of his eye and the way Danny's breathing catches for a split second.

"I've always been a team guy. Football in high school and during college and after that, each step of the way made me bond with my brothers. We all craved a hot shower and forty-eight hours of sleep after a mission. The body had to recuperate at some point. The parting at the parking lot where girlfriends and wives waited for my guys… that was the hardest part." Steve stops and watches the sea.

Memories are flooding his mind and it's always intense, sometimes he can brace himself, sometimes he just has to deal with the fallout. Danny stands close by his side and watches the water, too. He emanates stability, jus the way he always has.

Steve plucks the first thought that comes to mind. "Silence can be loud, it's almost a torture. I've never dealt well with it. Two days were enough to turn the silent in some sort of a threat, an enemy." Steve gets lost in thoughts. Danny stays silent and gives him the space he needs to get it all out. "There was no need to talk about it. It was what it was. We sucked it up, we dealt with it, we moved on. We all had our difficulties to slip into the normal daily life that didn't contain preparing for combat, training, cleaning our weapons, being occupied until you'll be called on a mission, on a night drill... whatever."

Steve lowers his head and runs his fingers through his hair. The pressure in his chest doesn't subside. He's thankful for the darkness and the way Danny only sees the side of his face. His eyes would reveal too many secrets.

"You don't know what to do with all this time. You miss your brothers. You miss having a purpose, a task to fulfill, another mission to plan. Silence turns into a void, a nameless force that could grab you by the collar and make you pace your room, your apartment. You end up drinking, not going back home at all. You end up counting the days until you can go back in. You wait for the freeing ring of your phone. You know, it's finally time to gear up again. And when you're back, you listen to this carpet of noise that has become the mantra of your life. You're back with your brothers, with your pack. That's where you belong. You never want it to end."

Steve forces his muscles to relax. He wrestles his voice into an even tone. "Until it does. You're never prepared. SEALs are not ready to give up, to step out. We die in action or we get forced out."

His headache is a dull pounding and he regrets that he has left his beer bottle in the sand. He could use a swallow. "They killed my father. I had a new purpose and then Five-0 happened and the silent has vanished again. Ten years is a long time and I'm still waiting every day to be called into the game, to gear up, to be with my _ohana_. To have a purpose, to solve a case, to chase the bad guys and to keep Hawaii a safe place."

Steve's exhausted. He never talks that much. He has never really formed such clear words to all these deep hidden worries about the thought what would come next if he's getting older, getting more tired, getting injured beyond recovering, getting forced out.

"And what about Brooke?" Danny's gentle words almost startle Steve.

It takes him forever to answer. Danny lets him be and waits.

"Brooke is like the embodiment of the silent, of the civilian life I don't know how to live. She's all that Catherine or Lynn haven't been. Cath was easy. She was in the Navy, too. She speaks the same language. He has always understood what was important to me. Lynn's father was in the military. On our first date, we went on a boat trip that ended in a gunfight and a lot of violence. I had fun. It was perfect." Steve chuckles a bit when the memory passes through his mind.

"And Brooke has no connection to the military, the Navy or the police. And you've met her in a restaurant like a normal guy on a normal date. No boats, no ocean, no snorkeling, no guns." Danny clarifies.

"I freaked. I'm sorry, Danny." Steve tries to keep his voice steady but his words come out ragged. 

"Do you want to know why I've forced you into this date?" Danny asked and turns to look at Steve. But Steve's not ready yet to meet his eyes.

He only shakes his head. "Nope, other than you might think I hang too much at your place and that you need more time for yourself." Steve curls his toes around the wet sand. He knows how stupid this sounds.

Danny swears but it's too low, Steve can't hear him. "That's the biggest bull I've ever heard. Where did that come from?" Danny darts his head around.

Steve knows he shouldn't have said it. Nonetheless, the surge of relief to hear Danny say it, totally shocked, makes him close his eyes.

"No, you stupid putz. I hoped you might have another purpose, something to look forward to after you've clocked out. It might get boring to hang out with me, your friend and partner the one you work with. I thought you might need some adventure. You're the kind of a guy who gets shot one day, Steve. A through and through straight to the heart because you always think of others first before you think of your own safety." Danny's words shake at the end. "I thought it would help to find you a beautiful woman."

"Danny," Steve listens with bated breath.

But Danny just digs into his next sentence. "Do you know that I have nightmares about this moment? I see you leaping up in the air, saving someone only to crash hard, hitting the pavement, bleeding out, dying right before my eyes." Danny pauses and Steve hears him swallow. His voice sounds as if he's caught a cold. "You're that kind of a guy, Steve. You don't step back; you don't retire you die in action. I know you for ten years already. That much I have figured out. You never will be anything else but a SEAL at heart. I get it, okay? Even if you're the boss of Five-0. You'll always be a SEAL. It's not a job, it's a way of life. I get it."

Steve can't add anything to this. There's no need and Danny doesn't expect an answer. The sheer amount of water in front of Steve's eyes help to tamper the blow of realization. 

"Let's get inside and have another beer. C'mon Danny, let's watch some TV and have another beer." Steve turns around still with his arms looped around his torso. His feet are cold.

Danny looks up and by a hair's breadth Steve pulls Danny into a hug. Danny looks wrecked. "I'm sorry for causing you pain. I'm sorry you freaked. I can't keep track anymore of what triggers up unwanted memories. I just wanted you to have a good time." 

"It's okay, Danny. Come on, enough talking for tonight." Steve touches Danny briefly and his hand lingers a moment longer before he pulls it back.

Danny strolls behind him, falling back a little.

Steve turns around. The night and the shadows are tempting to act on a desire lodged between his chest and his plummeting stomach. Danny looks younger and vulnerable with his rolled-up slacks and the way he slows down, standing bare feet on the lawn.

"What?" He meets Steve's eyes head-on. The moment stretches into something longer, growing meaningful.

"You…uhm, why aren't you… I mean you and Rachel? It's Friday and I'm just wondering why aren't you with her? Out on a date or watching a movie?" Steve almost stays at attention, keeping his voice casual.

Danny eyes him with a look that strips Steve naked and he has no idea why. Danny has always had the ability to breach Steve's intimidating behavior with just as much as a soft gaze. Steve needs this knowledge that Danny is able to peel away his layers like no one else. He also fears that skill. He might detect secrets Steve isn't willing to admit.

"Why do you ask about Rachel?" Danny's restrained tone glides around the words.

Steve hurries to answer. "I'm kind of… I'm interested in what you have been doing at the HQ, all alone. You could have had a great evening. Just saying. It doesn't make much sense to me. You two date, don't you?" Steve can't control the words.

Danny's eyes track him carefully. "Rachel and I got divorced for a reason, Steve. We can't fix what's broken. We don't date. We've found a new, a better and a more amicable level to communicate. We can talk when we meet. We don't draw knives; we meet like civilized people. That's all." 

"Then what were you doing at work?" Steve shakes his head in this comical disbelief and his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline.

Danny licks his lips and watches him with a vague new expression. "Take care of you and your date?"

Steve sputters. "Danny, for Christ's sake. I'm not a teenager anymore. I can really handle such moments super well all by myself. Ease off. Jesus. You're not really an expert on first dates yourself, you know." Steve's arms fall to his side and he turns abruptly on his heel and heads for the lanai doors.

"Says the man with no game," Danny shouts from outside the door.

Steve switches the TV on and heads for the kitchen. He doesn't answer. He mutters something under his breath. He hears Danny flops down onto the couch.

"Do you need a towel?" Steve asks and hands Danny the damp beer bottle.

"No, I'm good." Danny takes a swallow and stays silent.

Steve makes Danny move a bit and lowers himself down with a groan.

"Hey, Steve, look," Danny sighs and shoves his bottle onto the small table. He bends forward, his elbows rest on his knees.

Steve gets nervous. "Hey sorry, I didn't want to come across so unthankful. I appreciate your concern, it's just…"

Danny stops him with a soft touch of his fingers to his forearm. "I just want you to have something else next to work, okay? I'm worried. You are just as reckless as you have been ten years ago. Too much happened. I just wished for you to have something else next to work. A reason to think ahead. I pressured you with the date stuff and I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

The football game is playing on the TV and Steve turns down the volume to a point where it's comforting background noise.

Steve gets a bit tense. "Stop talking as if I'm suicidal, Danny. That's stupid. I'm okay. I'm good. I like the job. I like my life. It's good. Don't let these crazy dreams mess with you. I'm not gonna die, okay?" He adds with a stern tone and puts his beer next to Danny's.

"You bolted from a date." Danny states.

Steve kind of groans. "Next time I date someone with a military background. Okay? If it makes you happy, I'll date again. But, damn, Danny, what's with the date stress, huh? Leave it." Steve fans his fingers through his hair and plasters his back to the couch, folding his arms over his chest. "Why are we discussing this?" He demands to know.

Danny scoffs. "Seriously? You said some pretty scary things about a silent that scares the shit out of you. I can't just wipe this under the rug. I'm worried, Steve, honestly. And I mean it, I can't stop worrying that one day your stubborn, reckless ass gets shot because you still think you are young and indestructible." Danny's voice turns up the volume.

Steve listens with his eyes stubbornly turned to the TV.

"There should be a reason in your life, beside work that makes you want to get up in the morning. And don't give me one of your stupid SEAL statements. I don't need them right now. I don't want to hear them. We're getting older Steve. I feel it, too. It sucks, okay? I get it!" Danny grits out. He hides his face from Steve, still bent forward.

Steve nervously licks his lips and mimics Danny's posture. The football game plays on and the shouts and the cheering from the crowd are an odd counterpart to their somber mood.

"Danny, I'm not going to die. I promise." Steve tries and starts to count in a rhythm of four again. He clasps his hands together to hold on to something.

Danny chuckles humorlessly. "You know, that this is bullshit. You can't promise me this. I just… damn it, Steve…" without a warning Danny slides his hand alongside Steve's inner biceps, moves further down and wedges his hand between Steve's, pries his interlocked fingers open.

Steve's breath catches and he watches how Danny's fingers slide between his own, hugging his hand. It's a fast, natural movement. Danny's grip is firm, almost hard as if he's afraid Steve's could slip away.

"I can't lose you, Steve," Danny breathes, "I can't, not on the job, not… not like this. I hate to know…" Danny's voice dies and there's only the speaker of the football game who shouts some comment on a move.

Steve's mind is a muddled haze. He stares at their hands. Danny holds and he even pulls Steve's arm over onto his thighs. Danny sandwiches Steve's hand between his palms and just sits there, hugging Steve's hand and breathes.

Steve doesn't pull away. "Danny," Steve pleads with a whisper. He hangs his head and almost glides away, off the couch, with all the warmth that crawls higher up his arm, reaching his chest. And it _hurts_.

"I can't lose you." Danny repeats with a husky voice. He sniffs and presses harder down on Steve's hand.

Steve dares to turn his head and lets his eyes roam over Danny's tensed face. His jaw muscle pops out and he bites his lips. Danny clears his throat and swings his gaze towards Steve. Their eyes meet. Steve's heart beats rapidly and he has no idea what to do. Danny's so close. He smells the faint trace of a shampoo and the beer on Danny's lips.

"Fuck it," Danny grinds out and lunges forward.

Steve holds his breath when Danny presses his lips fast and almost rudely to his. Danny's lips are moist, warm and soft. Steve chokes on air and gasps. The ball of heat arising in his stomach makes his legs go numb. He's so stunned he doesn't kiss Danny back.

Danny turns his head away and laughs abashed. "Fucking punch me in the face or kiss me back, Steve. Don't just sit there." He complaints with a rough voice. He loosens the embrace around Steve's fingers.

Steve instantly tightens his grip on Danny's hand and reaches out with his other hand to cup the side of Danny's face. Steve knows that he looks like he's in shock, crazy-eyed and with these aborted gushes of air that leave his lungs. Danny goes willingly with the slight pull Steve makes him move his head.

Steve pulls him back onto his lips, nose squashed into the side of Danny's face. Their kiss goes from a dry press of lips to full-on passionate. There's a violence to it and Danny forces a strength into their kiss that Steve answers with equal heat. Danny moans into his mouth, sucking at his tongue and Steve might lose his mind. He wraps one hand around Danny's neck and yanks his other hand free to grab Danny by his belt. Steve maneuvers him into his lap. Their kiss is filled with a hungry need.

Steve tucks Danny flush to his chest, curving into the embrace. Danny straddles his thighs and rocks down on him. His hands are combing through Steve's hair, fisting it and slipping down to rake up his shirt, exposing his back. They kiss and bite. Danny's tongue plays around in his mouth, wet and seductively, making Steve want to rip his clothes off.

The rough moans and the rustling of fabric is almost loud in the living room. And the speaker on the TV still comments on the game.

Steve wants to ask something but Danny shuts him up by rocking forth and back on his hardening length. Steve feels the shake of Danny's head, gesturing a 'no'. 

Steve loops his arm around Danny's waist and pushes himself from the couch, hoisting himself up with Danny clinging to him. His legs are wrapped around Steve's waist. Danny stops kissing him and bites him painfully instead into his lower lip.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Danny hisses. "I can walk. Don't emasculate me by caring me upstairs like a woman, Steve." He complaints and increases the pressure around Steve's waist by clenching his strong thighs.

Steve dives in for another dirty, open-mouth kiss. He forces Danny's lips open and slides with his tongue into heat and wetness. He makes Danny cross his ankles behind his back. Steve's chest heaves. His arms are wrapped around Danny's waist like steel.

"Shut up, Danny, and let me do what I can do best. Being strong and indestructible. I carry you up the stairs if you like it or not. Deal with it or fight me." Steve's breath is chopped and the tip of his cock rubs over Danny's ass.

Steve senses Danny's smile on his lips when he kisses him with heat and a low rumble in his chest. "Freaking SEAL," he mumbles between his lips.

Steve presses Danny up against the wall on the first landing. He ruts into him and screams muffled into Danny's mouth when strong, sturdy thighs are painfully wrapped around his waist to tighten painfully and almost interrupt his blood flow. Steve answers with equal passion by shoving Danny's back hard against the wall.

Danny pants and laughs and chases Steve's mouth. He's a wild tiger in his arms and Steve needs some muscle strength to keep up with him.

They wrestle while Steve moves higher up the stairs. Danny has pulled Steve's shirt over his head. Steve hears the seam tear. Danny occupies his lips and takes his face between his hands and sucks hard enough to bruise Steve's lips. He makes Steve kiss him back with ferocity. Danny's fingers nestle with the button on his shirt before he gives up and rips it open with a nasty sound. He hangs in Steve's arms, with his chest bare and his nipples stiff, laughing breathlessly and looking beautiful.

"C'mon, babe, we're almost there," Danny pants and dips his chin to steal more kisses from Steve.

Steve grunts and laughs. His thighs are on fire but he keeps climbing the stairs. He kicks the bedroom door open and throws Danny onto the bed. Danny bounces a bit and looks debauched with his open shirt and the thick, coarse chest hair that covers his impressive pecs. Steve eyes the bulge in Danny's pants.

"Take your clothes off, Danny, or I ripped them off your body with my teeth." Steve grinds out while he tosses his shirt on the floor and shoves his shorts together with his underwear down and kicks them through the room. He towers fully naked over Danny. His gaze must burn a hole in Danny's skin.

"Shit, babe," Danny curses under his breath and admires Steve openly.

Steve watches how Danny wriggles out of his slacks while the obvious admiration makes Steve's cock jerk. "Too slow," Steve huffs and snatches Danny's ankles. He yanks his legs up and Danny flops onto his back. Steve tears at the pant legs and pulls them off Danny together with his underwear. He flings Danny's clothes through the room. The belt buckle hit the wall with a loud clunk.

Danny scoots higher up the bed. Steve steps closer and their eyes lock. Steve watches Danny licking his lips. "We do this Steve, there's no way back. That's it."

Steve shoves a knee onto the mattress and his eyes rake over Danny's sturdy, perfect body.

"Do you hear me, babe?" Danny asks again, his voice more even, less quivering.

"I hear you loud and clear, Danny," Steve climbs onto the bed and moves on all four over to Danny. He boxes him in with his hands at either side of Danny's head and his knees spread wide, placed at the side of Danny's narrow, trained waist. "I hear you. It's what I want. You. I want you." Steve's big hand rests on Danny's chest. His fingers card through the thick fur and he has to close his eyes for a moment. "That's it… for me, too. There's no way back, also not for you." Steve whispers as if he asks Danny to swear an oath.

Danny arches his back. His fingers curl hard around Steve's wrist. He pulls Steve's hand rudely down and places it on his hard-on, rocking up and into Steve's palm.

The first, dark moan from Danny's throat makes Steve dive in and he kisses Danny with pent-up want, collected over years. The kiss is dirty, it's demanding and desperate in its own way. Steve wants so much. Steve would want to inhale Danny into his soul, filling his chest with everything he could grapple, getting high on every little detail that is Danny.

He chokes and groans. He takes Danny hot length in his hand, fisting it. And Danny pushes off the bed, bending his back, forcing Steve to stroke him. Danny behaves rough and untamed as if he couldn't get everything fast enough either.

"C'mon, babe," Danny circles both hands around Steve's neck and pulls him flush onto his body. 

Steve moans around Danny's tongue and rocks down on his cock. "How you wanna do this, babe?" Steve forces out, face red and his eyes just as dark and wide as Danny's.

"I don't care as long as you stay just like this. Just don't stop," Danny pushes his hips up and ruts against Steve, his skin hot and covered in a sheen of sweat.

Steve nods, awe-struck with the way Danny watches him. His blue eyes are filled with honesty and love. Steve lets his gaze wander over Danny's face, his spit-wet lips and his hooded eyes. Steve reaches for Danny's arms and pulls them over his head. He crosses his wrists and pins Danny's arms down with a death grip around his wrists.

Danny's tongue licks a broad stripe over Steve's throat and he sneaks higher up and bites his ear lobe. Steve's chest heaves and with his other hand he reaches between their bodies to take both their hard cocks in his hand. "That okay?" He whispers next to Danny's ear.

"Yeah, everything you do is okay, move, babe," Danny turns his head and captures Steve's lips for another heated kiss.

Steve's big hand curls around both their dicks. Their movements stutter a bit until they find a rhythm. Steve lets Danny suck his tongue, fully concentrated on getting them off. Danny tries to free his hands but Steve pins him down with force. Danny's tongue licks even into Steve's ear when he hides his face at the side of Danny's throat, panting hard the closer they get to their release.

Steve has to adjust his grip and at one point he made Danny lie still and ordered him to not move a damn finger. He leaped over to the nightstand. He tears the top drawer open and comes back with lube. He slicks up both their cocks and Danny just watches him. Steve is still in utter awe when he wraps his hand anew around both their pricks. Their flesh is hard, hot and impressive. He just wants them to get off, to take the edge off. 

Steve goes back to his former position, pinning Danny to the mattress and one hand fisting their slick dicks. "Next time, Danny," Steve rasps, "next time, more finesse, more details. Now, I just want to…" Steve kisses Danny and thrusts into his fist, making Danny pick up speed too.

"Make me come, babe, get me off with your prick and your stupidly large hand." Danny's hoarse words ring in Steve's ears.

Danny comes first. The slick warmth is like a life long promise, sealed with cum. Steve's sweat drops onto Danny's chest. His face is red and hot. Danny's whole body jerks with the ebbing waves of his orgasm. Steve rocks on and Danny gasps and makes Steve hold onto both dicks.

Danny bites down onto Steve's neck when his release is forced out of him. Danny's stomach is a sticky, warm mess. Danny dips the tip of his tongue into the bead of sweat over one of Steve's eye-brow. Steve sinks down onto Danny's body and his welcomed by warm, strong arms, that tuck him closer, impossibly closer.

Steve's muscle tremble from the strain of holding Danny down and to keep steady pressure and rhythm on their dicks. Steve listens to Danny's strong heartbeat that rocks through his body. His face rests in the hollow of Danny's throat. 

They're both out of breath from their fast lovemaking and from the adrenaline rush about the fact that they have just fucked.

Danny's scent mixes with Steve's own. It's the familiar and intimate smell of a used bed, the one smell from his head that clings to Steve's pillow form sleeping on it. It's confusing and exciting and Steve shuffles down until his forehead rests against Danny's chest. His wirey chest hair tickles his lips.

"Steve," Danny's soft whisper is filled with a question.

"I'm fine, Danny. Let me clean us up." Steve pushes his upper body up and dares to take a long look at Danny. "I'm fine. I mean it." He ignores how his stomach lurches and the way his heart rabbits as if it wants to get away.

Danny's lips mouth 'okay', his eyes traveling over Steve's face. Danny's hands stroke over Steve's bent arms.

"Stay, I'll be right back." Steve performs half a push up and lowers his upper body. He places a gentle kiss on the tip of Danny's nose before he climbs over Danny and gracefully slips down the bed. He walks over to the bathroom and comes back with a wet towel.

Steve feels the pressure rising that he should talk, use words to express what just happened. Make Danny feel comfortable. He scoots over the bed, one leg bent and his foot is shoved under this thigh. He leans sideways and wipes off the mess on Danny's stomach.

He puts an unneeded thoroughness to it. With each swipe and rub the inner tension peaks to a point where the barrier between his brain and his mouth is unsurmountable for words. He swallows past all the things he would want to get out but everything is stuck in this tight place in his throat.

Danny watches him with eyes, swimming in calmness Steve can't feel.

Danny's thumb grazes over Steve's chin, catching on the stubbles. He watches him intently while Steve cleans Danny's abs from the puddle of cum. Steve folds the towel several times and keeps wiping at Danny's stomach. He tries to form a sentence and simultaneously he's breathing again controlled to tamper the flare of panic that pokes him in the ribs.

Danny lets him be. Steve needs this time but he comes up empty. The towel is folded into a small ball and Danny's skin is a bit red from rubbing too often over the same spot. 

Steve skids over the bed. His back is turned to Danny and he plays with the loose edge of the towel, caressing it between his fingers. "Look…Danny, I…I just…" The towel makes no sound when Steve lets it slip from his hands to the floor.

Steve hears Danny move. The mattress dips when he comes crawling towards him. Steve closes his eyes when Danny plasters his front flush to Steve's back. He knows he can't cover up the shudder that ripples through his body.

"You don't talk to me with your back turned to me and you don't hide your face, Steve." Danny presses the softest of kisses to his shoulder. He loops an arm around Steve's waist and pulls him back. He makes him shuffle to the middle of the bed.

Danny unceremoniously shoves Steve onto the covers and hugs him with an arm around his waist. He hooks a leg over Steve's hips and nuzzles his face into the crook of Steve's throat. "If we talk, we talk like this."

Steve inhales cautiously and partially relaxes his thighs and his strained throat as if he expects a blow to the head. He nods. Words aren't an option yet. "Okay," Steve's fingertips stroke featherlike over Danny's hairy forearms. He tries again. "Yes, okay."

Danny feels good, how he's wrapped around him, a cloak of warmth and comfort, giving off the reassuring feeling that they haven't been doing something stupid like nuking their friendship with stupid, good sex.

Danny's breath is cool against his heated skin. "We just had sex, Steve. The world is still turning, your house hasn't collapsed and we are good. I'm good. What about you?" 

Steve's abs quiver when Danny's warm lips kiss a trail alongside his shoulder. "I'm…I'm good, too." He waits, stares at the ceiling and absentmindedly traces Danny's corded arms with his fingertips. Up and down, forth and back, and again while his thoughts are uncoherent, no beginning, no end and he can't decide where to start. 

Danny doesn't do anything but lying there and hugging Steve with an unrelenting certainty.

"Since when?" Steve asks into the calm silence of the room.

"For years." Danny answers without a stutter and not even a second to think about what Steve means. "You?"

"Uhm…it's, ah," Steve takes this leap in his mind, "day one," he presses his lips together and exhales controlled.

Danny moves closer. "We're doing this? You're in? You meant what you've said in the beginning?"

Steve notices the wary tone that swings in Danny's casual asked questions. "Yes, I'm in. I'm in. And Danny…" He pauses. 

For a long time, Steve doesn't say a word. His fingertips keep caressing Danny's arm.

"Just say it, babe. If you keep rubbing over the same spot of skin, I might end with a hole there and no hair. I'm not going anywhere." Danny's voice sounds already sleepy.

"You uh, that's what I've always secretly… you know. I, uh, you… you always kind of have a plan. A plan to move on, to, uhm, to… like the one time where you had your bucket list, your retirement plans and you… you always know where to go, what comes next. And I…" Steve stops and breathes. How to express a plea without sounding pathetic? But this is Danny. He would understand. He always understands.

Danny lifts his head a bit. "Am I important enough to keep the silence at bay? To give you a purpose?" Danny asks with an even voice.

Steve senses Danny's body going rigid, slow and almost unnoticed.

"You're like a heartbeat that I can follow when the silence gets too loud. Yes, yes, Danny, you are." Steve hurries to answer, "of course, you are. It's not, it's not that bad anymore."

Danny goes limp almost instantly and hugs Steve even closer.

Steve tries again. "Look, Danny, you always have a plan. You seem always to know where to go. You're like my north Danny. If I lose track, I can't focus because… I, uh, I have always followed you and it's just… take me with you, Danny." Steve's sentence ends in a whisper. "Don't leave me behind." Steve turns his head to press his forehead to Danny's head. "Don't make me lose you." Steve's almost chokes on the last words.

Danny's breath sounds chopped. He doesn't answer immediately. He pulls his arms out of Steve's soft grip and Danny's hand latches onto Steve's forearm. His fingers curl vice-like around hard muscles. Danny pants next to his neck, his face is half-buried in the pillow.

"I've been dragging you along since day one, babe. And if you got lost, I always came to get you. I never would leave you behind, Steve. God, Steve, don't…you must feel it, my wish to keep you safe. You're a SEAL, a great, fearless cop, you don't make it easy for me to look after you because I worry too much. I know that you can take care of yourself, in every situation." Danny speaks highly moved.

"Not in every situation," Steve croaks.

"But you have to do something for me in return, too, Steve. Could you do this for me?" Danny presses down on Steve's arm. Danny's fingers are like steel around his forearm.

"Yes, whatever you need, Danny." Steve just wants to stay like this.

"You have to hold on to me, babe." Danny's words are soft.

Steve immediately circles his fingers around Danny's forearm and the perform a grip that's normally used to haul someone out from a hole or heave someone over the ridge of a steep slope. Steve's hand clamps down on Danny's arm, hard enough to interrupt the blood flow. He shakes and only holds on tighter.

"I will, I'll hold on," Steve answers with a reverent tone.

"Good, now sleep," Danny slurs already a bit. "I love you."

Steve lies still. "I love you, too."

His lower back feels damp and hot. His heart slams hard against his chest. He doesn't let go. Danny's fingers are still curled tightly around his forearm and Steve listens how Danny falls asleep. His grip loosens at a certain point. Danny's hand goes limp and slips off. Steve shuts his eyes. He sinks into the warm feeling of having Danny's body curled around his own.

Steve dozes off, his muscles still strung tight at some places. His hand is curled like steel around Danny's arm. His fingers don't loosen up, not even when he's fully asleep.

Steve holds on.

_'Cause I been lookin' for your kinda love all my life_

_Are you ready to love me, baby?_  
_I'm ready to love you, baby_  
_Are you ready to love me, baby?_  
_Yeah yeah, yeah_  
_Are you ready to love me, baby?_  
_I'm ready to love you, baby_

_'Are You Ready To Love Me' by The War and Treaty_

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
